Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Volume I: The Beginning

My name is Edgar Allen Poindexter, but everybody calls me Dex.  I am the accountant here at Slamtees.  Not an Enron type of accountant, more like a lemonade stand type.  If you called me a glorified order processor, I wouldn't disagree.  Just don't tell my mom.  She thinks I'm successful. 

But, unless you consider getting paid with coupon books and old calling cards to be successful, I am not.  Truth is---thanks to a traumatic incident involving me, a hand-me-down T-shirt three sizes too big, and my neighbor's swimming pool filter---I don't even wear T-shirts.  Haven't since the fifth grade.  So why me?

Somehow, in the spirit of doing more with less, the boss here at Slamtees decided to make me, a lowly order processor, into the official blogger.  When I pointed out my lack of journalistic qualifications and the probable extinction of my spare time, he chuckled, "It's only a blog!" 

My assignment then, as I understand it, is to keep you, our ever-expanding customer base, updated with info about the launch of our upcoming website, which will include the full catalog of our shockingly inappropriate yet undeniably witty T-shirts.

Because of the controversy generated here in the U.S. by Slamtees' early T-shirt designs, the operation was moved overseas. Last I heard, the boss had finally met up with his new artistic supervisor outside a small market somewhere in Nepal.  The two were planning to collaborate on new ideas, the boss generating hilarous text concepts and this new guy creating provocative artwork for our newest line of in-your-face T-shirts. 

When I later inquired about the obvious---website development and hosting arrangements---the boss brushed me off.  He assured me that the new site was in the works and would be up and taking orders in no time.  Then he abruptly hung up.  His subsequent email was truncated, and my attempt to reply was sent back as "undeliverable". 

Fortunately, I was able to retrieve most of the transmission which outlined his newest idea.  However, without explicit instructions regarding its final design and selling price, I decided to "leak" to the deserving public and our dedicated customers the newest Slamtees T-shirt design. 

Now available for purchase, and selling like hot state secrets, is our famed WIKILEAKS T-shirt.  Stay tuned for more updates.  Dex out.

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