My name is Edgar Allen Poindexter, but everybody calls me Dex. I am the accountant here at Slamtees. Not an Enron type of accountant, more like a lemonade stand type. If you called me a glorified order processor, I wouldn't disagree. Just don't tell my mom. She thinks I'm successful.
But, unless you consider getting paid with coupon books and old calling cards to be successful, I am not. Truth is---thanks to a traumatic incident involving me, a hand-me-down T-shirt three sizes too big, and my neighbor's swimming pool filter---I don't even wear T-shirts. Haven't since the fifth grade. So why me?
Somehow, in the spirit of doing more with less, the boss here at Slamtees decided to make me, a lowly order processor, into the official blogger. When I pointed out my lack of journalistic qualifications and the probable extinction of my spare time, he chuckled, "It's only a blog!"
My assignment then, as I understand it, is to keep you, our ever-expanding customer base, updated with info about the launch of our upcoming website, which will include the full catalog of our shockingly inappropriate yet undeniably witty T-shirts.
Because of the controversy generated here in the U.S. by Slamtees' early T-shirt designs, the operation was moved overseas. Last I heard, the boss had finally met up with his new artistic supervisor outside a small market somewhere in Nepal. The two were planning to collaborate on new ideas, the boss generating hilarous text concepts and this new guy creating provocative artwork for our newest line of in-your-face T-shirts.
When I later inquired about the obvious---website development and hosting arrangements---the boss brushed me off. He assured me that the new site was in the works and would be up and taking orders in no time. Then he abruptly hung up. His subsequent email was truncated, and my attempt to reply was sent back as "undeliverable".
Fortunately, I was able to retrieve most of the transmission which outlined his newest idea. However, without explicit instructions regarding its final design and selling price, I decided to "leak" to the deserving public and our dedicated customers the newest Slamtees T-shirt design.
Now available for purchase, and selling like hot state secrets, is our famed WIKILEAKS T-shirt. Stay tuned for more updates. Dex out.
The Chronicles of "DEX": Accountant turned International Blogger at Slamtees
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Airplanes Are Nasty People!
Airplanes are nasty people! When you think about the average flight carrying some 150+ people its easy to see how germs and sickness are easily spread. But let's look closely at some of the nasty, vile and just plain disgusting things people do on and to airplanes.
Blowing your nose and coughing!
Look we're all human and blowing your nose and coughing is an involuntary human reaction. But you nasty people need to learn that there's people in these tight quarters with your sneezy butt! If you sneeze or cough use the fold of your arm. At the very least use your left hand!
Trays!
This is just nasty to the highest of nastivity! People if I see you lay your snack on the tray and then pop in your mouth I'm going slap the pissant out of you! Did you not hear me say that some 150+ come through an airplane at a time and with the average plane flying to 2-4 locations per day you're setting yourself up for some serious viruses. That's like you going to a restaurant and telling them to just throw your steak on the table!
Seat backs!
Reach in there if you'd like and you'll be setting west nile, SARS and Swine Flu in motion. Just think of what they have in there. A safety manual, a couple magazines where they try to get you to buy and a barf bad! Its been said that reaching in to a seat back is the equivalent of grabbing someone's snotty tissues?
Onboard Lavatory
That's a putting it nice. Venture in to the "Onboard Lavatory," and I have four words for you: Death Comes To You!
Flight Attendants
Flight Attendants may look the part, but there's always that element of hey...this person travels from city to city, I wonder what their doing when they're gone? If you're inclined to fly the friendly pants of a Flight Attendant strap up and pray the prayer of healing cuz you don't know what you've just exposed yourself to? Happy flying y'all!
Blowing your nose and coughing!
Look we're all human and blowing your nose and coughing is an involuntary human reaction. But you nasty people need to learn that there's people in these tight quarters with your sneezy butt! If you sneeze or cough use the fold of your arm. At the very least use your left hand!
Trays!
This is just nasty to the highest of nastivity! People if I see you lay your snack on the tray and then pop in your mouth I'm going slap the pissant out of you! Did you not hear me say that some 150+ come through an airplane at a time and with the average plane flying to 2-4 locations per day you're setting yourself up for some serious viruses. That's like you going to a restaurant and telling them to just throw your steak on the table!
Seat backs!
Reach in there if you'd like and you'll be setting west nile, SARS and Swine Flu in motion. Just think of what they have in there. A safety manual, a couple magazines where they try to get you to buy and a barf bad! Its been said that reaching in to a seat back is the equivalent of grabbing someone's snotty tissues?
Onboard Lavatory
That's a putting it nice. Venture in to the "Onboard Lavatory," and I have four words for you: Death Comes To You!
Flight Attendants
Flight Attendants may look the part, but there's always that element of hey...this person travels from city to city, I wonder what their doing when they're gone? If you're inclined to fly the friendly pants of a Flight Attendant strap up and pray the prayer of healing cuz you don't know what you've just exposed yourself to? Happy flying y'all!
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